when you wish upon a star
what a great trip. seriously. i <3 disney world. if i lived there for the rest of my life, i'd be perfectly content.
but i don't. i'm back home. i'm not in a bad mood at all. i just keep thinking of things that annoy me. and as much as i'd like to update and elaborate more on how the trip was, i really need time to let it all sink in. maybe i'll never elaborate on it...maybe it's just too good for words.
it's weird going there for a second time though. when i got there, it felt like i had never left. and as happy as i was, i felt like like i had lived all the happiness the first time. it wasn't the same as seeing it for the first time. it's okay though, because i was still like a little kid and flipped out at the slightest sight of mickey.
it's good to be home, but not at the same time. my room is a mess, and now i have to worry about unpacking....and by unpacking i mean, actually unpacking all the stuff i brought home from school, because i didn't have time to before i left. and bath and body works still hasn't called me back. i should have heard from them by now. and i never heard from the people i'm supposed to babysit...ugh.
i've been thinking of switching over to livejournal. i don't feel the same connection with blogger as i did with xanga, and it's because all my friends used to be on xanga and we all read each other's entries and commented, and everything. it was more of a community. here i feel like i'm talking to a brick wall. and now all my MSU friends on on livejournal, and since MSU is pretty much my life right now, i think going over there to form better communication with my friends wouldn't be that bad of an idea. the question is, should i stick with my previous user name of live journal (because back in the day i used to have one), or should i make a new one? my previous one used to be
angangel910 (don't ask. i don't want to tell). if i make a new one, should it be
bernadinanna, or should i make a different one? idk...we'll see.
i was going to post about all the things that piss me off. but i think i'll just end this on a happy note and say i had a great time in florida. a big thanks to jeffrey for an amazing week. i had a blast.
he saw stars in his eyes
so it's the end of school. and i'm not all sentimental about it like i thought i would be. usually i take the end of the year to reflect about it...about myself..and whatever. personally i'm kind of getting fed up with all this "and this marks the end of the era of sophomore year chapter of my life" like they're writing a god damn book or something. but i suppose whatever floats your boat (and finds your lost remote? i think that's what it is...) .
i haven't had much room/time to think about this year or be happy that it's over. between the time that i finished my final monday at 12, and now, i've had to pack up all my shit, take it down to the car (and i have serious appreciation for everyone who helped me. it made me really happy to realize i have friends here. not like they read this anyway.), drive to my house with rhiannon for a meet and greet with my 'rents, drive her back, pack matt's stuff up, bring him home, unload the car, come back here for a restless night of sleep, drive back to montclair today to get the rest of rhiannon's stuff, sweep my old room, come back, go to the mall with matt to get him sexy new sneakers (and boy are they sexy), and then finally start unpacking/repacking to go to FLORIDA to visit JEFF tomorrow for a week!!!
as one can see, i've barely had room to breathe. right now my room is "neatly arranged" so that all the shit i brought home from school is on one half of my room, so my brother can still use it for when his friends come over. ugh it's like i share a room.
but i suppose now that i have found time to finally make a post, i can reflect on this year. i'm happy. there were bad times, there were good times. there weren't any extremely good times, or extremely bad times. it was pretty much kept under control, except for a few times. i wish i had more extremely good times, but i suppose that my schedule just doesn't permit it. with that said, i realized that i turned into a real tight ass for some time this year. like how i was before bamboozle. i'll go off on a tangent here and talk about that. i really didn't want to go to bamboozle. i was so pissed because i still had a huge list of things to do and i did not want to go to bamboozle at all. i did not realize until we watched fall out boy (last performance of saturday) how much fun i was actually having. the next day i went totally crazy with danielle, with whom i went. we fucking rocked out to p!atd, and had practically front row for senses fail. and wanna know something??? i never liked senses fail...and then after sunday i fucking loved them. the best time of my sophomore year in college was bamboozle, on may 7th. before that, it was only good times that will of course have an impact on me and i'll remember them forever, but i didn't feel the same way.
i've found how to just be myself and be happy. last week i was jamming out to backstreet boys and britney spears, having a blast from my past of teeny-bopper years, and i was feeling perfectly comfortable doing it. i didn't CARE who knew i was listening to pop music. i didn't CARE..i was just genuinely happy. i just put together my playlist for my ipod shuffle to take with me to florida. it has everything from bsb to dragonforce. yeah, that's right....i put dragonforce on my ipod shuffle. and i don't give a shit anymore what somebody thinks of that...i don't care what people think when i say that good charlotte is one of my favorite bands. i don't care of how i'll look when i tell people that i don't like to be in mosh pits and fight for my life at concerts. i don't care anymore what the fuck i wear....i don't care if i'm dressed like punk one day, and a girly girl the next. i don't CARE ANYMORE....i'm fucking happy finally. genuinely really happy. with that said, maybe i'll finally have something interesting to say in the myspace/facebook "about me" sections...ahahahaha.
anyway...here's to the nights of msu 05-06, and i'm ringing in summer 2006 with a bang!
awwww yea!
i just took all my religion tests and I NAILED THEM!!!!
ahahahahahahahahaha NO MORE RELIGION EVER!!!!!
actually if i had more time i would have loved to read up on the topics like i was supposed to. but not the way this teacher was teaching it.
anyway i'm pretty happy right now as you can imagine.
oh so tired
i haven't slept very well the past 2 nights after amanda told me her ghost stories. i feel like such a little kid. last night i turned my night light on, even though i can't sleep with light. i'm just so fucking freaked out by the whole thing.
so...3 more days, then i'm free. still have to take my religion tests, and i still have to take my art of fiction final. this weekend is bamboozle. i'm excited but not at the same time. matt's all into rocking out with his cock out, and personally i'm really not into that anymore. or i don't know if i ever was. i'm sorry if it makes me a boring person, but i really don't like when i come to shows and i can't see the band playing or anything because i'm fighting for my life. i mean i guess it's sort of fun? but idk. it's fun up to a certain degree. then i just get cranky and pissy all the time.
whatever. i'm cranky and pissy now. i want life to stop around me.
gotta write a paper
but i just can't get myself to do it. it's for a class that i've been having problem with, mostly i think due to the fact that i'm constantly being compared to someone. and i know that no matter what i do for this paper, it won't be good enough. i feel like such a crapball about the whole thing, and i feel retarded when i'm always told that something's wrong with my papers. why can't i write perfect papers like i'm supposed to?
forget trying to help people. just try to be harmless.
hypochondria
hypochondria
n : chronic and abnormal anxiety about imaginary symptoms and ailments [syn: hypochondriasis]
know anybody like that? yeah. i do. they should all go congregate somewhere and talk about their imaginary ailments. it'll be a party!
school is almost over
tomorrow is the last day of classes. at least for me. ugh what a crappy year, but at least this semester was better than last.
but it's gotten to that point where i'm getting mad and everything, and it's not necessarily anyone's fault (but don't think that it necessarily isn't...) because i'm tired and i don't want to see these people anymore. it's like back in high school where we all used to just get fed up with each other by the end of the year and everyone was fighting.
anyway. is it wrong that i chose to finally stand up for something that has annoyed me? is it wrong that i choose to tell someone to stop what they're doing, because i'm just tired of it? yeah i don't think so. but i guess others may feel differently. i know that the things i'm talking about aren't big things, but regardless...all these little things just keep going and going and going. at some point i have to burst. my mom told me i have the patience of a saint to put up with these things. well...i guess now that i think about it, this person has the patience of a saint too when it comes to me. ugh, don't know what to make of it.
so i have a dilemna. to explain the whole thing in detail would take too long, so i'll summarize it. i have a situation where i could take the easy way out and get a better grade, or take the harder more time consuming way but exercise the necessary skills i need to become a good english major. i've usually always taken the harder way, but it hasn't worked well in the past before, so i'm thinking that i should just take the easier way this time and just deal with it. poll : what do you think?
i just got a facebook message from jen russ and it made me happy :) i think it's time for bed.
